


Department of Filk:  The Vampire's Daughter

by kurtoons



Category: Universal Monsters Universe
Genre: Awkward Romance, F/M, Halloween, Monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 12:56:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9550127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurtoons/pseuds/kurtoons
Summary: "If the girl of your dreamsProvokes nightmarish screams..."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Another filk song from my files. This one is sung to an old novelty tune called "She Was An Acrobat's Daughter", which can sometimes be heard as background music in the old Warner Bros. cartoons. Yes, obscure is what I do.

The Vampire's Daughter  
(tune: "She Was an Acrobat's Daughter.")

She was a vampire's daughter  
She wasn't just looking for sex  
Her Friday night dates  
Met with terrible fates  
And wound up with two holes in their necks;  
Oh,  
She was a vampire's daughter  
Lugosi had nothing on her,  
'Til one night in the sack  
A werewolf bit her back  
And she woke up all covered with fur.

She was a lycanthrope's daughter  
We went out one evening to spoon  
But she gave me a scare  
When she let down her hair  
And proceeded to howl at the moon;  
Oh,  
She was a lycanthrope's daughter  
Our love-life had only one hitch  
Our romance was sublime  
Save each month at that time  
She turned into a terrible bitch

She was Doc Frankenstein's daughter  
In college she majored pre-med  
But they called her a crank  
In a sorority prank  
When she tried resurrecting the dead  
Oh,  
She was Doc Frankenstein's daughter  
And that's why I have to complain  
When I offered my heart,  
She said "No, not that part;  
I want you, dear, just for your brain!"

She was King Ihmotep’s daughter  
She had a seductress's smile  
A flirtatious young minx  
And just like the sphinx  
She hailed from the banks of the Nile  
Oh,  
She was King Imhotep’s Daughter  
Her beaus had to fear for the worst  
Her embrace, although lusty,  
was also quite dusty  
And if "Mummy" found out they'd get cursed.

She was Van Helsing's daughter  
A fairly nice girl, you'd presume,  
A pretty young miss  
And quite pleasant to kiss  
Once you got past her garlic perfume  
Oh,  
She was Van Helsing's daughter  
So she preferred playing it smart  
Any Tom, Vlad or Dickie  
Tried to give her a hickey  
They'd find with a stake through his heart.

This song has a definite moral  
You'll pay it some heed if you're wise  
If the girl of your dreams  
Provokes nightmarish screams  
Better off hanging out with the guys!


End file.
